Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
