we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
