just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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