i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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