I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
