Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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