He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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