fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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