I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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