mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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