this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
