I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I would fuck him just for his dog
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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