Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
