i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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