There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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