I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
