How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
