Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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