when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
being pregnant is like rehab
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
