You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
