those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
