I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
