In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
