Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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