Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
