I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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