The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
