no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
