Non-Jews are for practice
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
