Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
