tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
