Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
