i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
