i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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