yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
