all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
