I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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