this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
