im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
