Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
