I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
