I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
