Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
