just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
