Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Buhtt sex?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
