I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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