omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
