I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
