How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
