i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
