I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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