You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
