i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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