so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
